There is no good time to lose a parent. But there is a particularly cruel kind of grief — the kind where you're still crying and someone hands you a form to fill out.
I know this from the inside. When I became executor of my grandmother's estate, I wasn't prepared for how much doing grief requires. The paperwork doesn't pause for the loss. The deadlines don't care about your emotional state. Banks, courts, insurance companies, and government agencies all have their own timelines — and they begin the moment someone dies.
This guide is for the adult child who just got the call, or who is trying to prepare for the day it comes. It is not legal advice. It is a practical map — week by week — of what actually needs to happen, and roughly when.
Before Week 1 Even Starts: The First 24 Hours
The first hours after a death are a blur. Here is what matters most in that window.
Get the death pronounced. If your parent died at home under hospice care, the hospice nurse typically handles this. If they died unexpectedly, call 911. A death certificate cannot be issued until a physician or coroner has officially pronounced the death.
Contact the funeral home. You do not need to have everything figured out. You need to call someone to come. If your parent had pre-arranged their funeral, find that paperwork — it tells you which funeral home to call and what they selected.
Tell close family. This sounds obvious, but in the fog of the first hours, it can fall through the cracks. Designate one person to make calls so you're not repeating the news seven times yourself.
Do not make financial decisions yet. Well-meaning relatives may suggest things. Neighbors may ask about belongings. Nothing needs to be decided today.
Week 1: Notifications and Immediate Logistics
Get the death certificates — more than you think you'll need.
Order at least 10 certified copies of the death certificate, possibly more. Every institution you contact — the bank, the brokerage, the insurance company, the Social Security Administration, the DMV — will require an original certified copy, not a photocopy. Running out means delays.
Your funeral home typically handles ordering death certificates. Tell them you want at least 10.
Notify Social Security.
If your parent received Social Security benefits, notify the Social Security Administration as soon as possible. Any payment received for the month of death or after must be returned. Payments are made a month behind, so this requires attention quickly.
Call 1-800-772-1213 or have the funeral home notify them directly — many do this as part of their service.
Secure the property.
If your parent lived alone, make sure their home is secure. Forward their mail. Hold their newspaper delivery. These are small things that signal an empty house when left unattended.
Locate the will and any estate planning documents.
This is the document that names the executor and sets the terms for everything that follows. If you don't know where it is, check:
A home safe or lockbox
A filing cabinet or desk
Their estate attorney's office
A bank's safe deposit box (note: access may require a court order, so call first)
If there is no will, your parent died intestate — meaning the state determines how assets are distributed. This is manageable, but it involves probate court and takes longer.
Contact an estate attorney if the estate is complex.
Not every estate requires an attorney. But if your parent owned real property, had a business, had significant assets, had beneficiary designations that conflict with the will, or if family members are not in agreement — get an attorney involved early.
Week 2: Financial Notifications Begin
Notify financial institutions.
Banks, brokerage accounts, retirement accounts, and credit card companies all need to be notified. For each one, you'll typically need:
A certified death certificate
Proof of your identity
Documentation of your authority to act (either named as executor in the will, or a Letters Testamentary issued by probate court)
Do not close accounts yet. Some accounts may have beneficiary designations that transfer outside of probate entirely. Others may be needed to pay estate expenses. Get a picture of what exists before you move anything.
Notify life insurance companies.
Each policy has its own claims process. Gather every policy you can find — check through paperwork, email records, bank statements for premium payments. File claims promptly; there is no deadline penalty for the beneficiary, but the sooner you file, the sooner funds are available for estate expenses.
Continue paying ongoing bills.
Mortgage, utilities, and property taxes continue after death. If your parent's home is part of the estate, these must be paid to protect the asset while the estate is being settled. This typically comes from the estate's funds, but may require you to advance money temporarily.
Cancel subscriptions and memberships.
Streaming services, gym memberships, magazine subscriptions, online accounts — these continue to charge unless cancelled. Go through bank and credit card statements line by line. This process takes longer than most people expect.
Weeks 3–4: Probate and the Legal Process
Open probate if required.
Probate is the court-supervised process of validating the will and authorizing the executor to act. Not all assets require probate — accounts with named beneficiaries, jointly held property, and assets in a trust typically pass outside of probate entirely.
If probate is required, file the will with your county probate court and apply for Letters Testamentary (sometimes called Letters of Administration). This document is what gives you legal authority to act on behalf of the estate.
The timeline varies significantly by state and by the complexity of the estate. Simple estates in cooperative states can close in a few months. Contested or complex estates can take years.
Create an inventory of assets and debts.
As executor, you are legally responsible for identifying, valuing, and protecting the estate's assets — and for paying valid debts from estate funds before distributing anything to beneficiaries.
This inventory should include:
Real property and vehicles
Financial accounts and their approximate balances
Retirement accounts and named beneficiaries
Life insurance policies and named beneficiaries
Business interests
Personal property of significant value
Outstanding debts: mortgage, loans, credit cards, medical bills, taxes
If your parent had an estate organizer, this inventory becomes dramatically easier. If they didn't, you are building it from scratch — a process that can take weeks of searching through papers, statements, and online accounts.
Month 2 and Beyond: Settling the Estate
Notify the IRS and file required returns.
A final individual income tax return must be filed for the year of death, due April 15 of the following year. If the estate generates income while it is being settled (rental income, dividends, interest), an estate income tax return (Form 1041) may also be required. An accountant familiar with estate tax is worth consulting.
Large estates may be subject to federal estate tax — the federal exemption is high enough that most estates are not affected, but state estate taxes vary and some states have lower thresholds.
Distribute assets to beneficiaries.
After debts, taxes, and administrative costs are paid, remaining assets are distributed according to the will. Do not distribute assets before debts are fully settled — as executor, you can be held personally liable for premature distributions.
Close the estate.
Once assets are distributed and all required filings are complete, the estate can be formally closed with the probate court. Keep records of everything — your decisions, your communications, and all financial transactions — for at least several years after the estate closes.
The Thing Nobody Tells You About Being the Executor
The executor is the person who does all of this while also grieving.
It is a role that asks you to be organized, businesslike, and decisive during the worst weeks of your life. There is no preparation that makes it easy. But there is preparation that makes it manageable — and that preparation happens before the death, not after.
If your parent has an estate organizer — a document that tells you where everything is, who to call, and what their wishes are — the first month of settling their estate looks completely different. Instead of searching, you are executing. Instead of guessing, you are following instructions left with love.
If they don't have one, this is the conversation worth having.
Prefer a different style? The estate organizer is also available in peony floral — find all versions in the Port Davidson shop.
The Executor’s Checklist
If you are in the middle of this right now, we made something specifically for you.
The Port Davidson Executor’s Checklist is a printable, step-by-step guide built for the person managing a loved one’s estate — organized by timeline, covering every notification, every institution, and every filing you’ll need to track. It is the map I wish I’d had.
Getting your affairs in order isn't a one-time event — it's an act of ongoing love for the people who matter most to you. Start with one section. Come back when you're ready for the next. Even a partially completed organizer is an extraordinary gift to leave behind.
Until next time, Sandy Port Davidson — Intentional Design. Practical Purpose.